Those eyes

......Did i disappoint you
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without......

Those that are close to me know that I'm a big Johnny Cash fan, and really I'm not only a fan cause of the songs, or the meanings behind them. Have you ever stopped and looked at one of his pictures? Have you ever noticed how much you can see in just one facial expression? How many things has he been through?, how much has he faced?, how much.....

Too much and nothing at the same time...

I wonder if people ever look at me the same way, I wonder what people really see or think when they look at me, I wonder if they even notice.....I just wonder if the scars are there to be seen, if there's any story behind a facet or a joke or on a flashback....

Flashbacks....

They happen almost all the moments of my day, on my way to work, on my way to a class, overlooking a lesson plan or just an English expression, flashbacks are the worst part of bad experiences, cause they never leave you alone, they happen inconsciously out of the blue, on big or small things, during conversations, over a glass of water, on a song you listen, on a TV ad you see, cause we're just ants in this big'ol universe.

Isn't it weird when you think you're good for nothing and people look up to you for help or advices?

Someone told me today that really needed to talk, and the first person on her mind was me, cause I was the only person who would understand what was going on, and that would give the best advices for each isolated situation. Again I wonder....

I wonder if I am indeed this model or good advisor if you will, again I wonder why people come to me asking for advices and stuff.....tell me please what do you see that gives you the idea that I am the right person to know your story.

I guess having a long and complex life story is enough?

Can't give an answer to that...

Overthinking

I won't be able to sleep today, a door I wanted closed in my mind was opened, so I'll probably write a lot tonight....

I'v written this a while ago, on a paper sheet....I'm transfering now.

"I'm finding difficult to let some things go these days, it's been very complicated not thinking about some past aspects of my life. I hate unfinished business, they make me overthink, and being unable to talk to the other part(s) involved is even worse...

Life would be great if people just finished their own things...I don't consider myself an anxious man but it's awful to be where I'm standing right now, cause you think too much, can't talk about it can't solve it, cause if there is/are other(s) involved.....and they won't discuss it....you'll find yourself falling into depression all over again.

For all of those who have already been or felt any symptoms of depression, you all know where this leads, everything start innocently with a depressing song, then depressing pictures, and when you'll see it....you're done for drawning on a depressive swimming pool.

Some days ago I've read an article, correlating depression and suicide, and that made me think a lot about what happens to people in general when they start feeling depressed, and being depressed myself, I've started paying attention on how my depression cycles started, how the stages went through one another, till I remembered listening to very dramatic / depressing songs, reading depressed things, etc.

Have you ever thought about that? My my....I've always heard people saying that when they're sad, they like to listen do sad songs and do sad things....just so they could feel even more depressed....I just can't understand that, you'll see....I'm trying to leave all of this behind me, and people do it willingly...

So...you see where overthinking can lead you? Fortunately I have tools to fight against that, and I know how to detect it, otherwise we would enter the "no back" zone, and you know what happens when you get to the bottom right?

Like an honorable and old Jedi master once said:

- There are no feelings, there's only peace,

Hope you have a nice week!

Embrace, enjoy, and live.....don't just survive.

What is too much?

How to measure if something is (or isn't) too much? I've always find myself thinking about these things....Am I showing too many feelings?....Am I not showing'em at all?....Should I tell him/her how I am feeling about this or that situation?....Should I this.....Should I that.....

Really....

What is a relationship, if you can't share your fears and phobias....your manners, your problems....How can we share our own secrets if people nowadays are so vain....I wonder if this is the world we live today, where people have too much time to worry about what they want to buy / show others, and not so much time to think about what would make them happy.

Why is what you share on facebook / snapchat / twitter / instagram ("place your drugapp here") has to be so ultimately awesome for others, if it meant nothing to you....why do you invent stories, relationships, and other things...maybe just to show others you can be "cool"?

Why instead of living in a world of dreams and pretentions, you should just go and live whatever you want to live, experience what you want, go....make mistakes....jump....this way you'll have more than just fake stories.....will have life experiences.

Remember:

....It's on us to choose well those who we want around us, so we can have a future, or at least start making one....

Just a lonely insight, after years seeing younger people, and at many times older people too..forgetting to live their own lives, showing others what they are not, what they don't have, and what they don't think.

Just so they can fit in that awesome group;;;they've met at a club on a Friday night....and that they'll probably never see again.

Have you thought about changing a life today?

What really matters!

You know, one day you shall discover that life is simpler than anything, that you just have to live it, not struggle over it. That people come and go in and out of it, That your daily worries are not even close to other people's....
That saying hi doesn't hurt, that worrying about others is the key and that people are the most important thing, PEOPLE not materials are responsible to make it happen, it's not your possessions who define you, it is you!

 Raphael Rodrigues

I've got to a point in my life where, my couch is more important than a dance club, even if I get to be alone without anyone. People nowadays (sorry for the generical stereotype) are too vain, too selfish, the person is more important than anyone or anything, specially if he / she has material possessions. Relationships? hahaha are you kidding me? I am too important to be in a relationship, but if you have a nice car and a set of Istuff, I'm on it.....Are you paying for everything? I'm in.....

I feel sorry sometimes, sorry because these type of people will only understand what is really important, what really matters, what makes life beautiful when it's only too late, we have a great pope, and he has tried to convey this message along, but people still didn't get it.

Being is more important than having.....

The world nowadays is  a nightmare for romantic people (my case), cause we CAN'T adapt, we need human contact, we need social events.....we need warmth.....

And in the end....that's what matters....I really hope one day we understand....

If you're out there, say hi!