Have you ever felt as one lost in a crowd?
Like a big show in a stadium displayed from above?
Just another ant, another sand particle, something that is never noticed.....
Well I've been feeling like that for a while, feeling I'm not important, that I'm not needed anywhere. And you know? It's ok. I've learned that some people just pay attention to you when they need you for something, to help out, to lend money, to take them somewhere.
Everyday looking for a small spark on people's sentences and the way they look at you, the way they move around you, the way they behave and their attention spam...
"I haven't written for a while, cause I need to feel things and the feeling has to be deep enough to move my hands, let's take today as an example, when I started this post, nothing was going on in my head and at the beginning I thought nothing would be written. Now ideas are forming and a text is being created." However, going back to the topic, I've always felt as I was a disposable person, I've felt that during big part of my teenagerhood, somewhat like it during my adult life, and so on....
Until today...
It's funny.....indeed funny how we never notice what part we play in people's lives, till now I've been only focusing if people liked me, or noticed me anyway, or if they've felt anything for me, never been able to identify whatever was going on..
I dare to say I've grown up like a decade in these past months.
Today I've told some people that I am leaving the country for good, and for a second I thought they wouldn't care at all, that they'd act like nothing different was happening, cause this is a normal thing....people come and go, every day...
Everywhere...
Oh god, at times like these I notice how much more I need to grow up.
I've never thought I'd see people crying and hugging me because of it, I almost cried myself....but I decided that I'd to that in the comfort of my bedroom.....writing and reading the assignments I asked them to write me.
"And of course, the quiet ones....are the ones that shock you the most."
Never in my whole life I'd expect that girl writing so much. The one I pushed the most. The one, I never admitted....I cared the most for...
Really God, you do have ways to amuse and surprise me sometimes...
After almost losing the will to write here, you give me reasons to keep doing it.
Indeed a surprise, but a good one, a lovely one.
Cause now, I do know that I've made a difference in some of their lives, that somehow some of them will always remember me, and I will always remember them, because I am carrying part of their feelings with me.
I will always have the playlist, and I promise to listen to it every day...
Today I can say: I am a teacher..
